You know, those days where you try to affect change and cannot; perhaps it is a process at work, a government entity that is unyielding, a traffic jam that won't move or any number of things that are aggraVATing. That is how they pronounce it 'round here. The superlative is "aggraVATinest". Things that just wear you out or even make you a little barky. You'd just like to smack something, pound a few nails, drive a few golf balls onto the back 40 (that would be acres, for you city-folk) or something that would make you feel in control of the situation or your own space again!
How to get to your happy spot again? Sometimes, sharing with a trustworthy friend can help; one who will hold things in confidence and just listen.
How to get to your happy spot again? Sometimes, sharing with a trustworthy friend can help; one who will hold things in confidence and just listen.
Cousin and I have this code-speak in the title of an Email that goes like this: "I'm so mad at (insert the person's name or situation) that I could scream!" which is clearly indicative it is an Email about venting and of course, an unspoken request for commiseration of the wrong done or said to us.
The admonition to "Just get peaceful", is an option but not right that moment. Why? Because we have to cool off enough to get to a peaceful place. Anger is an emotion that we all have installed from the factory and properly handled, can be very cleansing. "Righteous Indignation" is justified anger. Someone clearly wronged you or a situation can be untenable, you are correct that it is, but, nevertheless, also unchangeable. Those are the most frustrating of circumstances I think. When people or situations can accommodate change and or we can get some satisfaction from the wrong that was righted, we feel better. It is when there is total inflexibility and the situation or person is not going to change, that we start getting steamed, frustrated and yes, aggraVATed!
There are all kinds of books that have been written about how men handle anger differently than women. I think it is not so much about gender but about the familial social conditioning that we got growing up. How was anger handled in your house?
Do you slam pots and cupboard doors or hide out in the garage or workshop? There is an interesting unscientific study I do around married couples. Not only do some married couples pick at each other; you can tell that this is a running commentary between them, but I like to watch how they act toward each other after a disagreement. Does the man (or is it the woman?) want to be left alone as long as they want to process their anger; IE, the expression of him "going to his cave"? The admonition here is to leave him alone and he'll come out when he is ready.
OK, I can buy that, but that door swings both ways. I don't slam things, I get really quiet and if you try and cajole me out of it when I am not ready because you think I should be, it will only exacerbate the situation. You have your 'getting over it' time, I have mine. If we both have spoken our views and we still disagree to disagree, then OK, we are going to disagree. You may not yield to my view point and I may not yield to yours and there that is. It may take me awhile to get over the fact that you tried to make me yield, or, that you would not yield when I really wanted you to! Just leave me alone until I am ready to socialize again.
Whew, relationships can be work sometimes. That famous Dr. Phil references an 80/20 ratio; that if 80% of the time, your sweetheart is easy to get along with then you have a relationship that will work over time. That remaining 20% of the time is a little rocky in one area, or, more commonly, is rocky or even remedial in 20% of more than one area. Still no worries. Reality is that sometimes, we all are going to be 100% of an a$$ when we are clearly wrong.
Step up to the plate and say so and get on with it. Life is so short!
I have always said that I will be so darn grateful when I find a man who has those 80/20 attributes, that I will be thankful to be spending my time with him, 20% and all. Bring it on.
It's true, men are different than us but that is the beauty of it. If that special guy can see me and realize that I am not going to be a clone of him in a different birthday suit, may not learn to like his Yodelling contests all the time or at all, but, to look for and be thankful that I do stand toe-to-toe to him, green tennis shoes and all, what a day that will be. He may not learn to like my motorcycles or French Horn all the time or at all, but, if he likes me because I do, well boy-howdy, there's a feller I can count on being a 'keeper.
I can hear the eyeballs rolling from the married folk...she's a little optimistic about how good it can be, this relationship stuff.
Perhaps, but in the marriages I see that are long-term *pleasant ones*, they are nice to each other, they do like each other, they still want to do things together. They don't trash talk each other, they have fidelity, honesty, trust and a sense of what love is to them, over a long period of time.
Well, I'm over my snit now. Peaceful again. Still raining, that lady in that insurance office that ticked me off today is not going to change her ways for me but it will still come out in the wash.
Getting close to Thanksgiving, hope this is a happy, thankful time for you. Thanksgiving is thankful living, every day, yes?
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